


I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

by Gabichan_96



Series: Ryuji and Akira: The Longest Confession [1]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Confessions, Crushes, Cute, Friendship/Love, Hanging Out, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Playing Games, spoilers for part of 7th palace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabichan_96/pseuds/Gabichan_96
Summary: “Hey,” Ryuji says gently as he sets the controller down beside him. “You okay, man?”Akira hums questioningly as his eyes dart to Ryuji. “Oh, yeah, sorry.” His knuckles go even paler as he tightens his grip on the controller. “ I just… got lost in thought for a second, but I'm good.”“Yeah, that's bullshit,” Ryuji says as he shifts to face Akira better (to Akira's disappointment when their legs break contact). Ryuji crosses his legs and puts his elbow on his knee to prop his chin up with his hand. “Spill it.”“There's nothing to spill.”“Akira, we both know you don't suck this bad at this game. The hell's going on with you?”Akira meets Ryuji's eyes hesitantly, and the concern and open affection in the blond's gaze makes him immediately look away again.“I'm fine, I promise.”“Y’know you can't frickin’ lie to me.”





	I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

**Author's Note:**

> "You’re a part time lover and a full time friend.  
> The monkey on your back is the latest trend.  
> I don’t see what anyone can see  
> In anyone else but you."
> 
> -The Moldy Peaches, “Anyone Else But You”
> 
> (This is NOT the song that plays, that song is whatever you think it should be <3)

“I freakin’ told you, dude. We should’ve gone yesterday. Akihabara’s a zoo every weekend this time of year,” Ryuji scolds for the fifth time, kicking off his lightly snow-covered shoes by the top of the stairs. It's only mid-November, but the unusually cold weather is putting everyone in the Christmas mood; the mood for flash sales and haggling, that is. “If I had to squeeze past one more kid beggin’ their mom for a game, I was gonna explode.”

“I’m sorry,” Akira replies, “but I’m tired of having to play the same level over and over again, and I know you are too. Not to mention the look I get from Sojiro every time I have to go flip the breaker.”

“Fair. This attic ain’t the ideal gaming hideout, but it’s better than nothin’.”

“Why don’t you throw on some music? This’ll probably take a minute,” Akira says as he fights with the packaging on the cheap surge protector. The last resupply for the Metaverse had left his wallet pretty empty, but this purchase couldn't really wait.

“My freakin’ phone’s dead,” Ryuji whines with a pouty frown, and Akira can’t help but chuckle as he tosses his phone to his friend.

He’s never had a friend he was so comfortable with. From that first day, he and Ryuji just seemed to be on the same wavelength. They eat lunch together every day and sometimes meet up just to chat between classes, and they make trips to the Metaverse with the other Phantom Thieves at least three times a week. Akira tries his best to work out when Ryuji does, because if Ryuji has to pace himself for someone much less accustomed to working out, he’s less likely to overdo it himself. It feels like they’re always together, but Akira still wishes he could make more time for his best friend.

Ryuji takes his usual seat on the floor leaning against the bed and uses his teeth to tear open a pack of spicy gluten. “Where’s Morgana?”

“He’s going with Ann to visit Shiho, then he’ll spend the night at Futaba’s. You know how he gets when we stay up late.”

“Don’t I know it,” Ryuji mumbles with a full mouth. “ _Hey!_ ” he mimics and rolls his eyes.

Akira laughs, fiddling with the new cord. It’s rigid and light, so it currently insists on being an unsightly tangle.

“Duuude!” Ryuji’s face brightens as he glances at the speaker on the workbench. “You know this song?”

“Yeah, I’ve known it for years. Haven’t heard it in a while though,” Akira replies absently.

“Me neither. I used to play this like every time I went runnin’. Brings back memories.” The fondness in Ryuji’s voice is bittersweet. Akira has to stop himself from wondering what those memories might be. He remembers reading a translation of the lyrics years ago, and this song is not a particularly happy one. He’s heard quite a bit about what Ryuji’s life was like right before they met, and even though they've been good friends for several months, Akira still finds it all deeply upsetting. He can’t imagine how Ryuji feels about it nowadays, and he can’t begin to guess either because they haven't talked any more about what happened with him and Kamoshida since they changed his heart. It never feels like the right time to bring it up. Still, if he can get excited about this song, maybe he's working on being at peace with everything. To Akira, it's yet another example of how resilient Ryuji is.

A comfortable silence settles as the song plays. Since the incident with the bald man that got him here in the first place, Akira bristles when he hears people say things happen for a reason. It’s not that he would change anything if given the chance; he can’t imagine life without a persona, or his other new friends, and the good they’re doing changing hearts is beyond anything he could have dreamt would be possible. Despite all that, it’s only when he thinks about the rain that morning on his way to Shujin, the morning that a vulgar boy with bleached hair and blazing brown eyes came barreling down the sidewalk and led him toward his new life, only then can he truly say things happen for a reason.

With a final adjustment, Akira gives up on the surge protector and settles next to Ryuji on the floor, controllers in hand. He starts up the game with one controller balanced on his knee and holds the other out to Ryuji. When the controller doesn’t leave his hand, he turns turns to look quizzically at his friend, and he freezes.

Ryuji’s eyes are shut, and he wears a faint smile as he bobs his head to the beat and mouths the lyrics with perfect timing. After staring at him for a moment, when the sounds of passing cars outside and the knocking of dishes downstairs die down enough for a second, Akira realizes Ryuji is singing so quietly he can barely be heard above the game's menu music. He puts the controllers down, careful not to make any noise, and his breathing slows almost to a halt when he notices Ryuji’s leg is pressed against his from hip to foot. Obviously they touch all the time; Ryuji loves to throw an arm around Akira's shoulders as a greeting at school, or gently punch him in the arm or grip his shoulder as he laughs. Hell, they've probably even sat just like this before. Why is it different this time? This feeling… it's like a vacuum in his chest.

Akira's brows furrow as images of their first day in the Metaverse flash behind his eyes. Kamoshida's guard had Ryuji pinned to the wall, held up only by his neck. As strong as he knows Ryuji is and has been, he was helpless at that moment. Though they had just met, Akira would have had to watch him die. The strange butterfly and Arsene were already questioning him, fueling his anger at how unfair it all was, and he was growing more sure by the second that somehow he had to save Ryuji. Then, for just a moment while the guards held him back, his eyes met Ryuji's, and it was like time stopped. Hundreds of images flashed through Akira's mind, hundreds of times when he would see those eyes crinkled with joy, or full of fire behind some kind of mask, or widened with something else that he couldn't recognize. It was then that he knew they were always meant to end up here, and it was up to him to make sure they got out safely because there was so much more they were meant to do. As he was blinking blood out of his eyes, clenching his jaw as the pain shot through him, he clearly remembers Ryuji's eyes imprinted in his vision as if he had been staring at the sun.

But sitting here in the attic on a snowy day playing video games and listening to music, there's no reason he should feel different from any other time they've done this. There's no reason he should be so aware of the heat radiating off of Ryuji next to him, or the minuscule movements of Ryuji's leg against his. He's heard Ryuji singing loud and off key a couple times before, and it didn't make him feel like his lungs were cramping up.

Of course, there's one simple answer,  but Akira wastes no time grasping for reasons that this is _not_ a crush. It would be stupid to have those feelings. They are friends, _best_ friends, and that's all they can be. He has to remember that. Crushes are fleeting, and he hates the thought that he could jeopardize the comfort and- Ryuji had said it best, the freedom they feel when they're together, especially since he has to go back to his hometown when his probation is up. It would be such a shame to waste their limited time together on those feelings. But right now, sitting here alone with Ryuji, it's so easy to pretend just for a minute that he _could_ feel that way about him.

Since there's no one around to call him out for staring too long, Akira takes this opportunity to memorize the details of Ryuji’s face. Dark eyelashes sweep delicately over smiling cheeks. His expressive (and adorably short) brows are uncharacteristically still, and- Akira squints- a scar punctuates one brow. Akira's fingers twitch with anger at the thought of Kamoshida putting that scar there. He knows it’s pointless, but it makes him so sick when he thinks about what that man put Ryuji through. Whenever they're out having a good time and he sees Ryuji pause to rub his bad leg before catching up with the group, Akira feels a pang of sadness and wishes there was a way, _any_ way he could go back and stop it all from happening.

Of course, it’s hard to see any of his friends in danger. As a leader, he does his best to keep everyone as safe as he can while getting the job done as efficiently as possible. He's very diligent about switching the others in and out of combat so no one has to take on too much. He wants to protect all of them, but recently Joker has really had to fight the urge to tackle Skull out of harm’s way when a particularly strong attack is coming because it would hurt _him_ too much to watch it land. Akira notices another scar on Ryuji’s chin, but this one is almost imperceptible and looks very old. His thoughts move to Ryuji’s father, and his heart sinks even more. This boy has been through too much in only sixteen years. No amount of fun days, good meals, or shadows vanquished will ever truly heal that pain. Maybe that’s why Akira can't help but say yes every time Ryuji asks to hang out. He deserves to have anything he wants. He deserves the world. And if it makes him happy to see Akira, he should be able to spend as much time with Akira as he wants.

Ryuji's head tilts and his brows twitch downwards at a high note in the song, making a grin bloom across Akira's face. They are safe here, for now. No shadows, no adults doing evil things. They've made a lot of progress in Shido's palace this week and gone to Mementos for some quick cash to upgrade armor and weapons. All of that can wait for a little while longer. In this moment nothing matters except the brave, kind, beautiful boy in front of him. His eyes trail to Ryuji’s smooth slender neck, still tanned from running outside in the warmer weather, and before he can stop himself he’s wondering how it would feel to brush his lips against that skin and-

 _No_. Akira blinks hard, immediately ashamed and glad Ryuji couldn't see him leering. Ryuji trusts him. What he needs right now is friendship, a safe and honest friendship that he can rely on to help him continue healing from everything he's been through, definitely not to suffer through his best friend's infatuation only to be left alone again in a few months. Akira takes a deep breath as the song ends, smiling when his friend’s vibrant brown eyes open again.

“Man, I forgot how much I loved that song,” Ryuji whispers, looking into Akira’s eyes so openly that Akira feels his face go red, and he gets a spinning feeling in his head with an overwhelming wave of déjà vu. Has Ryuji looked at him like that before? Has anyone? “Now,-” Akira’s heart skips a beat as Ryuji leans close to him without warning and grabs a controller, “let’s kick some ass, huh?”

Akira grins and nods quickly, leaning back against the bed and doing his best to focus on the task at hand. He smiles to himself, feeling Ryuji’s leg still pressed against his, and thinks about how much he would love it if they could stay just like this forever. Then Ryuji leans his head against Akira’s shoulder and lets out a sigh of contentment, and Akira’s mind starts churning again. It would be a huge assumption but it is _possible_ , he thinks, that Ryuji could be having similar thoughts about him. The things he says sometimes… he has to hear how he sounds, right? The confusing part is that he obviously means it, but how exactly? When Akira is drifting off to sleep, he replays those conversations in his head focusing on the details; the way Ryuji rubs the back of his neck with his eyes cast down as he talks, smiling that melancholy smile Akira has grown to love so much. And yes, love is the only word for the way Ryuji's smile makes him feel. That doesn't mean he needs to rock the boat with the mess of feelings brewing inside of him.

After several careless deaths in the game followed by mumbled apologies, Akira is so lost in thought that he doesn't even notice when Ryuji turns and stares at him. At first it was simply to shoot him a playful look of disapproval, but Ryuji immediately notices that Akira looks… wrong. His brows are drawn low under his bangs, eyes slightly squinted and lips pressed into a thin line.

“Hey,” Ryuji says gently as he sets the controller down beside him. “You okay, man?”

Akira hums questioningly as his eyes dart to Ryuji. “Oh, yeah, sorry.” His knuckles go even paler as he tightens his grip on the controller. “ I just… got lost in thought for a second, but I'm good.”

“Yeah, that's bullshit,” Ryuji says as he shifts to face Akira better (to Akira's disappointment when their legs break contact). Ryuji crosses his legs and puts his elbow on his knee to prop his chin up with his hand. “Spill it.”

“There's nothing to spill.”

“Akira, we both know you don't suck _this_ bad at this game. The hell's going on with you?”

Akira meets Ryuji's eyes hesitantly, and the concern and open affection in the blond's gaze makes him immediately look away again.

“I'm fine, I promise.”

“Y’know you can't frickin’ lie to me.” Ryuji goes to take the controller from Akira's hands, frowning when Akira doesn't let go. He keeps his hand on the controller as he catches Akira's eyes with mild annoyance.

“Really, it's nothing. Can we just get back to the game?”

“No! Not when we can finally hang out for the first time all week and you're actin’ like you'd rather-” Ryuji jerks the controller away from Akira and sets it on the floor a little too forcefully, “be doin’ somethin’ else.” The annoyance in his eyes morphs to hurt as he says quietly, “Do...do you not wanna see me today?”

“No, of course I do, it's just…” Akira wracks his brain for something to say, “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“And since when is it something you can't talk to me about, huh?”

Akira remains silent, not trusting himself to come up with something that wouldn't make it worse, and turns his gaze back to the paused game on the tv. He can feel Ryuji's eyes on him as the blond waits for a response, the air in the room seeming to grow colder by the second. He can't tell how long they stay like that. It's agonizing.

“Fine,” Ryuji says coldly, standing up and grabbing his coat as he tugs his sneakers back on. “Keep the snacks. And next time you're busy with… whatever, don't let me waste your time, 'kay? Later.”

The sound of the stairs creaking as Ryuji starts heading down snaps Akira out of his indecision. He dashes to the stairs with speed he can thank Joker for and grabs Ryuji's wrist. The blond whirls around to speak but keeps his eyes off Akira.

“You don't hafta hang out with me only cause it's been a while,” he says, the cold edge softening out of his voice. “I know you're busier than any of us. I know you got more important shit to do.”

“No!” Akira says a little too loudly, giddy from feeling Ryuji's pulse thrumming against his fingers (and shocked Ryuji hasn't pulled his wrist away yet). “I...I want you to stay. I'm sorry.” When the blond meets his eyes, the sadness he sees through the tough-guy face Ryuji is trying to make pushes him to add gently, “Please, Ryuji.”

Relief eases Ryuji's features back into an expression Akira is used to as he wordlessly heads back into the attic, still not pulling his wrist away until Akira lets go. Meanwhile, Akira is rooted to his spot at the top of the stairs. He turns and watches as Ryuji shrugs his coat off and takes a seat on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together, meeting Akira's eyes expectantly.

“You're gonna talk to me though. We ain't doin’ anything else until you tell me what's fuckin’ with your head.”

Akira walks to the couch like a man walking to his own execution. His heart is racing as he shuffles through his options in his mind. He could just confess everything right here. What are the odds Ryuji would really stop being his friend over some silly feelings? He'd probably laugh, pat him on the back, say something like _Sorry, dude, but no_ and then they'd be able to get back to their day together. But there’s a chance it could make things weird forever. No more trips to the bathhouse together, that's for sure. Maybe Ryuji would want someone else to accompany them anytime it would be just the two of them once he knows. Akira's stomach flips over thinking about what would happen if the team found out. Even if Ryuji didn't tell them, they'd pick up on the difference. He couldn't bear the embarrassment.

But he could confess to the feelings without saying _who_ he was talking about. Then he wouldn't have to completely lie, because Ryuji can always tell when he does. And maybe he would gain some more useful information about Ryuji, like if he has his own crush. It would be so nice to get any of this off his chest. So he sits on the couch and leans his head back, eyes closed, arms loose at his sides, palms facing upward meditatively as if it could slow the racing in his head and his heart. He swallows hard, and takes a deep breath.

Ryuji does his best to look cool and collected, but the suspense is killing him. Ever since he started getting to know Akira, he’d been trying to mentally prepare for the day Akira would finally tell him that he wasn’t pulling his weight and the best adventure of his life would come to an end. Ryuji never had much of a social life; track took up all his time, and the other guys on the track team gave him a wide berth when he was the “star”, maybe out of intimidation or something like that. Of course once everything came crashing down, the other students never did more than glare at him. It felt a little better after he started bleaching his hair. At least then he could pretend people were snickering at his hair and not at the way he struggled to lug his backpack and books around with crutches. Eventually the crutches were gone, and he was quite pleased with his ability to silence the other students’ whispers with one venomous glance. The only positive relationship left in his life was his mom. Her encouraging smiles and long hugs kept him from completely rotting away from the inside out.

That’s why it was so perfect when Akira showed up. Ryuji couldn’t have cared less what any Shujin students had to say about him being so worked up over seeing Ann getting into Kamoshida’s car. He was prepared for the standard scoff and maybe some unoriginal insult. Ryuji was not prepared for the way Akira held his gaze longer than anyone at Shujin had in months. His hair was frizzy from the humidity, a few wet strands of his bangs stuck to his glasses. He was all pale (probably from the cold rain) and slender, more so than track guys tended to be. Akira’s mouth hung slightly open in genuine confusion, drawing Ryuji’s attention to his elegant jawline. But those wide grey eyes… they were hauntingly deep. They reminded Ryuji of the water in the park where he sometimes went to center himself; dark and still, with so much wonder just beneath the surface.

Being the big-hearted kid he is below his delinquent exterior, he couldn't leave the transfer student lost. As he led him through the alleyway, he couldn’t stop asking himself why he found this guy so… beautiful. He'd never gotten tripped up by someone's looks this bad before, and never by a guy at all. A small hope ignited in Ryuji at that moment that had been dormant for quite some time. Ignoring everything about his momentary fixation on the transfer student's eyes, Ryuji found himself hoping that, against all odds, maybe they could become friends.

Ryuji  couldn't keep the smile off his face when he overheard some girls gossiping about the transfer student in class. Turns out the guy was just as much of a troublemaker as Ryuji himself. He was here on probation. Despite his delicate appearance, this Kurusu Akira was a hardened criminal. Of course he didn't find that out until _after_ Akira saved him from some giant guards and a yellow-eyed Speedo-clad Kamoshida in a castle that they wandered into looking for the school that morning. Oh, and it's worth mentioning that he did it by tearing part of his face off and kinda summoning a giant… winged gentleman? It was definitely the most badass thing Ryuji had ever seen. And Akira looked damn good doing all of it. In about two seconds flat, he had managed to change Ryuji's entire opinion of long black coats.

It didn't take much longer to figure out that's just what Akira does; change minds. On their second day in Kamoshida's palace, after seeing all the horrible abuse in the training hall, Ryuji just couldn't handle the way Shadow Kamoshida talked so casually about breaking his leg and basically ruining every good thing in his life. _Just figures this is how I die,_ Ryuji thought as he pressed his fists into the garish red carpet, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the angry tears burning his eyes. _Now these guys are gonna die just because they had the shitty luck of ever meeting me._

It was heartbreaking to see Morgana and Joker being pushed to the ground by Kamoshida and his knight. Morgana's wide blue eyes were full of desperation, darting around the room as if there was anything around that would get them out alive. But Akira's eyes were locked on Ryuji's. Even through the mask, it was almost as if he was trying to send one look to say that he was sorry for everything Kamoshida had done to Ryuji, everything he had taken. And when he spoke, just loud enough to be heard, his words echoed in Ryuji's head.

“Don't let him win.”

He was right. Everything from the overly rigorous training to the comment about Ryuji's father that finally made him lose it was all part of Kamoshida's plan. Even now, he knew exactly what to say to make Ryuji lose all the fighting spirit he had left. But enough is enough. He'd been playing into Kamoshida's hands for way too long, and he wasn't about to let his new un-freakin-believably awesome friend (and the sassy little cat) die because he couldn't get his shit together enough to _try_ to stop it. Akira was willing to risk his life for him on the day they met. The only clear choice was to return the favor. Captain Kidd’s words made him feel like a firework about to explode, but as he hooked his fingers around the edges of the mask and tried to steel himself for the pain, he called up a memory of Akira on the roof at Shujin yesterday. The late afternoon sunlight made his dark hair glisten like black glass and a subtle smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. Despite those huge glasses, the magnetism of his grey eyes still caused a strange flutter in Ryuji’s chest. _From one troublemaker to another,_ he thought as he held his breath. _This is for you._

From the very beginning, it was always the two of them. More friends joined the team, and Ryuji was so grateful for each one of them, even if it meant Akira would be busier than before. He didn’t have much to compare it to, but it warmed his heart to finally feel like part of a family. This was a team that looked out for each other, where each person contributed something unique and irreplaceable. Ryuji wasn’t the smartest, or even the fastest. The others had a leg up, pretty literally, in just about any comparison that could be made. But there was one thing none of them could ever touch: he would always be the first. In his mind that meant he was closer to Akira than the others, so he made that his main mission. He would look out for Akira a hundred percent of the time. He would be the last to leave every group meeting (and the first to arrive if he could manage). In battle, he would shield Akira with his own body whenever he could. He would aim to be Akira’s number one workout partner, his permanent player two, his biggest fan, his shoulder to lean on whenever he needed it.

Maybe that’s why this hurt so much. Akira seemed fine until they started playing games. Maybe he had just wanted the company to go shopping and then wanted to be alone or spend time with someone else, which Ryuji would have been fine with, choosing to think he would’ve been able to shake off the disappointment by the time he got home. Akira was always calm and collected, even in the worst situations imaginable, so Ryuji could not begin to guess what had him so bent out of shape. Whatever the hell it was, he just wanted to _know_ so he could do his best to fix it. If Akira wanted him gone, he would’ve run all the way back home if he had to. Anything to stop the pained look twisting Akira’s beautiful features. So here he is, wringing his fingers while Akira tips his head back against the dusty couch in his attic bedroom and shakes his bangs off his glasses before he takes a breath and speaks.

“I… think I might… like someone.”

Ryuji’s eyes widen in surprise. Akira’s this messed up over a crush? Who the hell could it be?

“Oh,” he winces when his voice cracks. “That’s it, dude?”

Akira raises his arms and buries his fingers in his hair, hiding his eyes from Ryuji. When he doesn’t respond, Ryuji continues.

“Damn. Here I was thinkin’ somethin’ was really wrong. I mean, we can work with this. I think I’d make a helluva wingman, don’t you?” Ryuji bumps his shoulder against Akira’s reassuringly.

 _You can’t be a wingman to help pick up yourself_ , Akira thinks, pressing the heels of his palms against his forehead. He knows he should say something but all he can manage is a long, frustrated groan.

“Ouch, man, that hurts!” Ryuji can’t help but laugh. As much as he can sympathize with the burn of unrequited love, seeing Akira like this is hilarious. He’s bright red from his ears to the collar of his t-shirt, and he just looks so _cute_. Long past questioning his thoughts about Akira, Ryuji wishes he could scoop him up and squeeze him until he starts smiling again. It does register that he should be concerned, because if Akira gets a girlfriend their bro time will probably be severely cut back, but he’s really happy for Akira. Ryuji’s never had a girlfriend, but the couples around school and in sappy movies (which he secretly loves watching with his mom) make it look like that special connection is something everyone should have if they want it.

“Looks like you’ve really got it bad. You gotta tell me all the juicy details!” Ryuji turns to look directly at Akira, crossing his legs under him. “Where’d you meet her? How long ago?”

 _Shit._ Akira gulps and straightens his glasses, staring at the potted plant in his room and hoping it’ll look like he’s deep in whatever memory Ryuji thinks he’s drawing from.

“Uh, it was… not far from school. A while ago.”

Ryuji wrinkles his nose a little. That’s not enough for whatever cathartic mutual swooning he was getting at. Better keep asking questions.

“And what is she like? Do I know her?”

“N-no! You wouldn’t know her,” Akira sputters. He knows playing the pronoun game is probably going to get him in trouble later but he can’t be bothered to correct it now. “She’s… nice. Well, _I_ know she’s nice. Other people say things about her that aren’t really true. And even if they’re true, they don’t paint a good picture of who she is at all.”

Now that it’s clear there’s a real girl somewhere that Akira has feelings for, Ryuji’s heart starts sinking. Obviously, Akira is gorgeous. He could probably date anyone he wants. Ryuji is tempted to tell him that, since it seems like he doesn’t feel that way himself from the way he’s all red-faced and disheveled and hasn’t been himself all evening. Ryuji decides it’d be better just to continue with the questions.

“So, what is it that you really like about her? What makes her, y’know, different from everybody else?”

Akira’s heart is racing. There’s something really exhilarating about confessing to your crush without them knowing you’re talking about them. He’s a little embarrassed for acting like a schoolgirl with her first love, but he’s sure it’s good to get it out of his system, and Ryuji is _such_ an amazing friend for talking to him about this in the first place. It would be a waste not to participate. Akira rubs his sweaty palms over the knees of his jeans and closes his eyes, savoring the warmth spreading across his face again.

“I don’t know where to start. She’s got the biggest heart out of anyone I’ve ever met. She can be really intimidating to strangers, but once you get to know her, she cares so much about everyone around her. She’ll do anything to keep them safe or just make them smile. And she’s so funny! She makes me laugh harder than anyone else can. It’s amazing, because she’s been through so much. The world has been... really terrible to her. It’s almost too horrible to believe.” Akira pauses for a moment, then pushes his glasses up and continues. “But she’s so strong. She’s not letting it hold her back at all, in fact she’s using her past to push her towards creating a better future for everyone.”

A small cough from Ryuji makes Akira suddenly worry he’s _massively_ overshared and Ryuji has figured him out. He looks at the blond, fear tightening his chest, but Ryuji is wearing his signature melancholy smile and looking straight into Akira’s eyes.

“She sounds amazin’, dude.” Ryuji laughs quietly and pushes Akira’s shoulder playfully. Thinking it might lighten the mood, he asks, “Is she cute? What does she look like?”

Akira freezes. “Uhh… she- she’s, uh, blonde?”

“Hey, it’s a good color,” Ryuji runs a hand through his own hair with a beaming smile that knocks all the air right out of Akira’s lungs. “You have to let me meet her sometime so I can give her the best bro stamp of approval.”

“That might be harder than you think,” _because she is actually you._ Akira laughs nervously at his silent confession, at the whole conversation they’ve just had. When Ryuji pulls a disappointed little frown, Akira adds, “but I’ll do my best.”

“Sweet,” Ryuji says with a smile as he stands up and takes a couple steps around the attic, stretching his arms above him then rubbing his bad leg. “Think you might wanna try that game again?”

“Actually, I could go for a jog right now. Only if you want to though.”

“Hell yeah! Y’know working out in the cold burns more calories.”

“Well that’s perfect, cause I definitely need to lose some weight now, huh?” Akira jokes as he pulls on a hoodie and tosses one to Ryuji. Sharing clothes for spontaneous workouts has become just another part of their friendship.

“Oh shuddup, there’s no way you could look better,” Ryuji replies, pulling the hoodie over his head to hide the blush he could feel warming his features.

As usual, they try to race down the narrow staircase, earning a glare from Sojiro as they tumble down into the cafe. They shut the door behind them and fall into the same formation as always; Ryuji on Akira’s left, with Akira sometimes ahead but never too far away.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it down here, thank you so much for reading! This is my first time posting anything I've written EVER and I am so happy just to have gotten it out of my head. I would love any constructive criticism, thoughts or opinions. I already have a couple more works planned following the events of this piece so there will definitely be more soon!


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